Chock-Full-of-Nuts

Dear Friends and Fans,

Man it is cold here in the STL. It makes it hard to even want to leave the house, but it's kinda fun. It is really beautiful to see all the snow; it's mesmerizing. halo just loves to jump around in the snow. She has no chill factor...LOL.

It's 1 wk from the Phoenix show. I'm sure Stryker, the promoter of the show, is elated to have a show packed with quality. I hope to be in the top 5 @ this show. I'll be standing on stage with a few who are top 3 in the world and this could be the only opportunity I have to be compared to girls of this quality. Although I compete with them in the Arnold and Olympia... I'm not compared with them because I've placed just in or out of the top 10. The top 1 thru 6 are usually compared to each other. I've been in what they call the "second call out". I will see a few of these girls again at the Arnold Classic march 5Th, so it will be nice to see where I'm placed now compared to then.

I've been extremely busy. You maybe able to see when I started writing this blog and now just got a second to finish it up. I have a lot of good things going. I have implemented change into my office. It's hard enough to face change let alone encourage it to work. I've held everything together thus far. I have been low key on the stress for the most part although I'm seeing more patients and sticking to the organization I've developed for the practice. It's made it easier on my mind during my training and has helped me not feel overwhelmed. It never fails, however, to not be doing enough. It's been my experience that at least one close person in my life has to feel left out or neglected by me during my prep. I'm skating along patting myself on the back for the way I've held it together to find out that I'm not giving enough of myself. I'm not yelling and screaming at others, I'm not extremely uptight, I'm positive and positive for others, I'm able to open my mind and heart for my patients...BUT I guess I have a problem giving myself emotionally to the one's who need me. HUMMMMM! Let's see... are these people sleep deprived? Are they waking at the crack of dawn to exercise? Are they running a business all day and spend their evenings healing others? Are they preparing for the biggest showing of their career? NO!... but all they need is like 5-10 minutes of my emotionally. I'm sorry... A successful person can't possibly succeed on emotionally. I'm a goal driven person which means I'm always working at something. I work hard now so I can hopefully make my older years more comfortable than what I see the elderly dealing with now that scares the crap out of me. What do I do... face my fears and try to avoid rotting in a bed without the proper care...LOL to put it lightly. So, the fact that I can't give into my emotions right now has been causing a bit of turmoil in my mind this weekend. It makes me feel like a bad friend and person, but what more can I do? Give into emotion and fail! The worst part about it that the only choice I have at the moment is to say " I'm sorry I can't do it all" and let it by the waist side, and it's not that I don't care because I do and it hurts me. I often get back from shows and feel like I blew off everyone and wonder if I'll still have my friends...LOL. I have a plan in life and only I can make it happen! I need wind in my sails, my support groups, this makes it easier but often I guess you gotta drop the dingy and start paddling and Cross your fingers that the Coast Guard comes by and gives you a lift and builds your strength by telling you how amazing it was that you paddled that far by yourself!

On a lighter note... I look my best yet. I woke at a full 149. The only stress at the moment is finishing my posing routine. It's been driving me crazy listening over and over again. I finally have to be like TURN IT OFF!!!!! AHHHHHH.

I will try to get some pix or video done before I leave on thurs but can't promise anything. I have a busy week. I'm slammed in the office Mon and Tues, have to pack and think of my food to bring, and finish up a couple other things. I will have my camera with me so I hope to get some pix up. If I'm able to , it would be here on the blog because Colette is doing the show too so I'm sure she won't be up to doing any of my updates...LOL.

I appreciate all of your unconditional support and encouragement. It really does mean everything!

" A workout is a wise use of time and an investment in excellence. It is a way of preparing for life's challenge and proving to yourself that you have what it takes to do what is necessary"

Your Pro,

Dr. Dena